Tans gone wrong

I totally hoped I would be out of here before it got hot enough to get any sort of tan but sure enough I had the misfortune of having a weekend of fundraising in 90 degree sun (stop calling me a wuss behind my offline back, it was snowing 2 weeks ago and I am used to Northeast weather, why oh why am I going to mexico again?) Anyhow now I am not only sporting a fantastic car litnesser tan but on the 4 hour drive home it morphed into a winning car litnesser\driver tan. For the uninitiated the car litnesser tan is when your arms (depending on the length of your t-shirt) and neck (depending on how proud of your pecs you are to wear a v-neck) are a shade of purple that even Prince would be ashamed of, while your chest and abs maintain your original lily white color. This is not to be confused with the driver's tan (left arm twice the shade of your right), or the co-pilot tan (right arm twice the shade of the left). All time worst is the half assed car litnesser tan (that goes for the idiot who forgot shorts for an unexpectedly hot weekend and ends up with just forearms and neck burnt to a crisp, while the legs and torso are white enough to sear the eyeballs). Anyhoo it is wickedly hot here and I am wickedly tired and for some reason I feel like partying.